An open letter to my son's teachers - 2008

I know what you're thinking…

At best, you're thinking I'm THAT mom.
Always in your face asking questions – demanding answers…micro-managing your every move…never accepting your word as final…always involving administrators and calling meetings over every little thing.
You're wishing I'd just get the hell outa your way and let you do your job already.

At worst, your thinking I'm a threat…to you personally, to your job, to your integrity and lastly, to the other student's rights.
Every question I bring up is in direct opposition to how it's 'always been done before' and therefore controversial. I'm always getting involved and mucking up the works…you're fully aware of what happened last year…and get the sense that every time I'm unhappy or express concern, you're head is on the chopping block.
I offer no apologies for seeming overbearing or over-involved.
This is my job.

I would like to ask that you try to think of this situation from my perspective. Try to put aside your fears, for they are unfounded and set aside your defenses, for they are unnecessary.
I would ask that you try to think of this as if our roles were reversed. What if this were YOUR son? Would you do everything that I do? Irregardless of the friends you lose and the enemies you gain?

Think of it like this. Your son needs something. I don't mean like a pair of shoes for basketball, I mean needs something in order to ever have a chance at being happy and successful in life. And he needs this every single day. No breaks, no vacations. EVERY SINGLE DAY without respite.
A day without, is a day he can never, ever get back.

Now, you have a pretty good idea as to what he needs, but how to provide it is the tricky part. You know it takes highly trained, caring professionals working tirelessly every day in order for your son to have even a slim chance at making it.
Would you do what I do? Would you question and challenge and 'pester' the teachers and therapists charged with this task? Would you lay awake at night wondering if you're doing enough and will it ever make a difference?
Would you?
If you can just try and see my perspective, see my little boy through my eyes for just one moment…you could experience the fierce love and need for protection that courses through me at every second.
You could also feel the deep sense of loss, frustration, rage, and at times, desperation.
I've been asked many times by many people…how I do it.
How do I keep going…keep fighting…keep trying?
My response is simple. How could I not?
So I ask you….How can you not?
So, as you sit facing me across that table and I'm asking endless questions – trying to re-invent the wheel to allow my son some measure of success, please try to keep this in mind…remember where my drive comes from…it's not an attempt to win a power struggle or spite…it's fierce love, devotion and, at times sheer desperation and panic for my son to succeed.
If you can't lay aside your prejudices and irritation and help me help my boy – I have no use for you and would ask that you take yourself off my team.

Harsh? Possibly. But I'm not in this to make friends. I'm in this for my boy. You've known him for 6 to 8 weeks. I've loved him more than myself for 6 & 1/2 years.
I make a point of listening to what you have to say and try to give your suggestions and ideas consideration due your profession while keeping other student's rights and interests in mind.
Please do me the courtesy of returning the favor.
And remember, I'm not out to get you…no matter what my reputation is. I'm here to try and make sure my son gets the best possible in a school that is only legally required to provide what's appropriate

What you need to know...

So...a while back I was asked by a researcher what I think other people should know about what it's like to raise a child diagnosed with autism. This is what I came up with...I had to make it short because my space was limited!

Other people should know that even though my child has autism, he is not a burden that has ruined my life, he is still my beautiful baby boy whom I love and enjoy every single day. So please don't apologize!

Please recognize and internalize that every aspect of my son is not directly attributable to his autism, he is also a five year old little boy that has likes and dislikes similar to other children.

Other parents should know that our son learns in a different manner than typical developing children and therefore requires a different approach as well as more one on one instruction.

He is not spoiled or undisciplined. If he acts out or has a tantrum, he's not doing it on purpose - it is because he is over stimulated or unable to convey his frustration due to communication issues. So please be patient and understanding in a school setting – we do everything possible to keep our son from interfering in other children's education but feel he has the right to participate.

People should know that we have had to work twice as hard for every skill that our son has and that we are dedicated to helping him grow up to be a positive contributing member of society.

I would hope that people would also recognize that although we are optimistic, this is also the hardest thing we've ever done. We are still devastated that this had to happen to our little boy and there is always a level of grief resting just below the surface. Although we are pleased to hear of developmental milestones in other's children, it is also a blow for we can't help but compare it to our own experience.

Please share, but also, please don't harp on it!

Last, I would like other people to know that autism IS a treatable condition.

Research has found that there is a mind-gut connection in ASD. Lab test results have confirmed that our son's digestive system has been damaged. We are in the process of repairing this damage, but it is a lengthy process involving a strict diet and supplement regimen.

We are not crazy. Like all parents, we are just doing everything possible to help our son be as healthy and happy as possible.